i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
