I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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