she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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