For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
