any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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