we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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