I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
