then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
