we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
