"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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