His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
