dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
