You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
