After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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