Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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