i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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