So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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