you would pick up someone in the library
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
