I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
whose parrot is this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
