Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When are your genitals available?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
