That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
