So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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