I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
