so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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