Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
