but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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