god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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