Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
