i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
