Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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