you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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