SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
