New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
