White coat. Heels.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
