id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
