i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
