now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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