Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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