A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
