waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
