He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
