i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
