Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I supernannyed him into submission
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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