Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
