Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
