Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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