turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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