that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
