dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
