You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
