does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
