I could make wine with my vomit
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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