I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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