Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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