God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
