I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
