Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
