Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
