she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
