she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
