Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
