They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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