i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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