So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
