I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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