This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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