So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
