At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
