I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
