sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
