im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
