If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
