K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
