Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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