its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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