mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
